Why I should not be allowed into kitchens...

[rabidsamfan]

Experimented with Welsh rabbit to go along with the experimental White Zinfandel I bought (I'm a teetotaller normally, but I'm researching a story.)

Okay. Forgot to buy porter when I got the Zinfandel, so I popped around to the little liquor store in the square. I asked for porter and the little Chinese lady behind the counter just blinked at me. "Beer," I expanded and she pointed me at the coolers with a very vague wave. There was something called itself porter, but they wanted me to buy the sixpack and that wasn't worth it. I ended up buying a can of Guinness, which is stout, but probably from the right islands, right?

Printed out the recipe from Alton Brown. Realized I forgot the cream, again, but I had a jar of English clotted cream I meant to use up months ago in the fridge. It's cream, right? And I didn't feel like going out again.

So, assemble ingredients. Dry mustard, got it. Worcestershire sauce -- just enough at the bottom of the bottle. Kosher salt, ditto. Pepper -- well, it ain't fresh ground, but it'll do. Butter. Toast. Get that ready first. Flour... pry flour out of freezer, which is icing over again dammit, and try to remember that I need to go to Sears and find out about a new gasket. Refrigerator is less than five years old, but the darn freezer just won't stay sealed. Butter -- yup. Measure things into cups like Alton does so I don't have to try to do it later. Shred cheddar. All set? Put the butter in the saucepan and start whisking in the... dammit I forgot to measure the flour.

Quickly get flour from bag and add to already melted and starting to turn brown butter. Whisk like a madwoman. 2 minutes and the stuff isn't going to turn brown yet? Alton are you mad? Wait, he's got it on medium heat and I'm remembering a different roux recipe. Too late, add the worcestershire salt and pepper and then the beer and turn down the heat while opening the clotted cream.

Clotted. My god, it isn't clotted, it's SOLID! A spatula won't do it, it takes a steak knife to start persuading this stuff out of the jar and into my dark brown mess. Turn the heat off entirely and keep persuading, stirring now and then to try to get the cream to melt. (Which it does, actually.) At this point there's no hope, so add the cheese anyway a bit at a time, stirring and stirring and well, it doesn't taste absolutely awful... oops, add the mustard and the hot... what hot sauce? Alton!!! Oh, there it is, right in the ingredients list. 2 drops. I must have hot sauce here somewhere, but for two drops, I'll be a wimp.

Cut up the toast on the plate and spoon... er... squidge the lumpy cheese stuff onto it. There's way too much for any human being to eat, so leave that to settle on the turned off burner. Fetch out little bitty bottle of White Zinfandel...

Eat. Drink.

Think.

Well, it's not actually awful... Might be a good combination when made by someone who knows what he's doing. Maybe.

And the remaining cheese sauce may be okay -- it got a lot less lumpy left to its own. i'll add a bit of milk to it and heat it up again later this week to try again.

But on the whole... well... maybe I should stick to frozen food.

Comments

[surgicalsteel.livejournal.com]

Okay, first of all, white zin? *shudders*

I'm not a wine snob, really (although H's husband is), but white zin? If you'd used a really good sharp cheddar, then a nice red could actually marry quite well - a cab, maybe. Or a sangiovese. Or a zinfandel (not white zin). *shakes head*

The stout/porter substitution was likely OK - the two are actually fairly similar to my palate (but I'm not a lover of dark beer, so hubby might say differently).

I'm actually a fairly compulsive cook, I like to have everything out and measured and everything before I start. I've seen that recipe and it looks quite good...

Oh, my. Shall I come down and cook for you some weekend?

[rabidsamfan.livejournal.com]

I think the beer worked out okay.

The white zin is so I can make snide remarks about it in the story, really. It's not meant to be good wine, it's meant to be somethign they're drinking to get sloshed enough to talk about things they don't want to talk about. An excuse, rather than a good wine.

It's pretty dreadful, though. Except that it's a little better at this end of the little bitty bottle than it was at the beginning.

I did use a sharp cheddar -- probably not a very good one. I'm thinking the characters substituted something like caerphilly, perhaps. It's an infelicitous combination, made late at night for two guys who got about five hours of sleep between them the night before and had a really interesting day. Besides, I always wanted to try Welsh rabbit.

Gsoh it gets hard to spell sometimes, doesn't it?

And I think the recipe would be really good in the hands of someone who knew what they were doing.

[surgicalsteel.livejournal.com]

Ah. Fair enough about the wine, then. ;) Although something like Mad Dog or Wild Irish Rose might work just as well, then (although I wouldn't recommend you sample either of those).

Takes me a little more wine to get to the hard to spell stage than it does for you, but there's a couple of plotbunnies that I've gotten from hanging out on LJ while inebriated that I'm fond of.

[rabidsamfan.livejournal.com]

My typing is always faster than my brain. I just usually do better at noticing when I goof up and go back and fix it. Tonight I don't much seem to care except as somthing to be amused by.

The rest of the guinness is going to waste, alas. I didn't remember it until just now and it was all flat and icky. (I like beer even less than wine usually.) I like the flavor in the cheese sauce, but I'd have to make enough welsh rabbit for a denful of foxes to use it up. The can rattles funny -- they've got a widget in there, according to the label. The things you learn because you experiment!

There is still wine and my head is starting to hurt and I'm sleepy... How do people manage to go through buckets of this stuff, anyway?

[surgicalsteel.livejournal.com]

Yep, the cans have a special widget that gives it a head like a draft beer from a tap in a bar. I have to be in just the right sort of mood to enjoy Guinness - too thick for me. If I'm having beer, it's usually Sam Adams.

Y'know, if you have a glass or two of wine a couple of times a week? You do eventually get a bit more tolerance. But I still don't understand the folks who manage to put away a case of beer a day - and that's just what they admit to. Folks who admit to that much are usually drinking way, way more than that. I usually stop when I get sleepy.

[rabidsamfan.livejournal.com]

I'm trying to avoid building up a tolerance. My old man was a very nice alcoholic, but he was an alcoholic nevertheless. So I'm pretty careful. Two of my sisters can drink socially and get by okay, but I don't think my older sister drinks and I'm pretty sure my brother doesn't. And I'm borderline hypoglycemic, so it's not worth the money it would cost me to become a competent drinker.

But I like the flavors that you can get in cooking with alcohols, so I'm doing a little more experimenting nowadays than I used to.

[surgicalsteel.livejournal.com]

My mom's an alcoholic, too, so I understand totally where you're coming from. I drink socially OK, but baby sister really should give it up. Well, at least she gave up the drugs. *sighs*

And also on the thing about the flavors you get. Whatever different websites may say about substitutes, cooking with wine or brandy or other alcohols does add a certain flavor that you can't really get any other way.

[rabidsamfan.livejournal.com]

It's easier not to start than to stop, I think.

I found a webpage about how to learn how to sniff wine and it had a neat experiment with applejuice and vodka to teach you how alcohol affects the depth to which you catch the scent inside your nose.

It's educational, reading about wine. Makes you appreciate the difference soil and climate can make in food too, if it's given half a chance.

[rubynye.livejournal.com]

*finishes giggling*

OK, one day I should come over and make Welsh Rabbit for you.

[rabidsamfan.livejournal.com]

Oooh! Do you know how to make it? Really? Wow.

[rubynye.livejournal.com]

I've made it once or twice; I'd still be working from the recipe. But I've made it before. It's essentially cheese sauce.

Besides, I like White Zinfandel. :)

[rabidsamfan.livejournal.com]

Good! I've got three little bitty bottles of it left. (It came in a fourpack).

[shirebound]

Good for you, for trying something new!

[rabidsamfan.livejournal.com]

*polishes the nice shiny medal she swiped off the Cowardly Lion.*

[slipperieslope.livejournal.com]

((hugs))

Adventures in cooking! You might want to try the cheating recipe with American cheese, beer, French's mustard and soy sauce. Or better yet, Stouffer's Welsh Rarebit! Heat and eat! You so brave!

[rabidsamfan.livejournal.com]

I could probably make the cheating recipe... But I wanted to try it a little fancy anyway. You think it would be good with other cheeses than cheddar?

[dreamflower]

*giggle* You do sound as if you had quite an adventure. Perhaps you need Sam to come in and cook for you--I'll bet he makes a great Shirish rarebit!

[rabidsamfan.livejournal.com]

*snicker* A Buckland Bunny, don't you think? And heaven only knows what Merry calls it.

[claudia603.livejournal.com]

Perhaps a story should be in line about Sam's first cooking experience! :-)

Well, at least you can say you tried it! :-)

[rabidsamfan.livejournal.com]

Sam probably started cooking at the age of four. As soon as he was old enough to see the top of the table...

I can see a flour covered hobbitling, though!

[serai1.livejournal.com]

*snorfle* Fun in the kitchen! I take it you didn't know that clotted cream is just the British name for sour cream?

And it's Welsh rarebit, not rabbit. 'Sokay, though. I found out when I made the mistake of asking a British friend why the recipe didn't have any rabbit listed in the ingredients, and she nearly died laughing at me.

[rabidsamfan.livejournal.com]

Originally it was Welsh rabbit. Not actually a complimentary term, some sources say, as "welsh" was used to indicate that it was substituted for a proper rabbit by someone who either loved cheese or was too cheap (or broke) for meat. "Rarebit" gets used later on, and really gets popular with the Victorians. It's the more common term today, though, judging from the comments I've gotten.

I don't know about elsewhere, but Devonshire clotted cream is a lot closer to butter than sour cream. Trust me on this... (but tasty!)

[jane-somebody.livejournal.com]

clotted cream is just the British name for sour cream

What? No, it's not. It's a quite different thing.

And, yeah, the not-rabbit is the point. Like, I dunno, Peking Duck, if that's what I'm thinking of? "Rarebit" is a sort of prettyfication, makes it sound more genteel. Our extended family uses both rabbit and rarebit - rabbit I think has the slight preference.

RSF, your cooking adventure sounds rather like the cake-making that occured on our holiday last week - first it turned out there wasn't enough self-raising flour so it was mixed with plain, then there wasn't enough butter, then there wasn't enough sugar either so randomish amounts of maple syrup and honey were added. The result was surprisingly like cake, all things considered!

[(Anonymous)]

Disappointing it did not turn out as well as Alton's.
To cheer you up - the second season of the Muppet Show was released on dvd this week. I owe finding the first season to your mentioning it on your lj.

[rabidsamfan.livejournal.com]

It was a lot more palatable than it had any right to be.

Ooooh! Muppets!

[lame-pegasus.livejournal.com]

That was brave. *giggles* And if the clotted cream had already turned into something solid, I can only hope it was still ok. *scratches head* Must try to find a recipe for that sauce, for now I'm really curious. *grins*

[rabidsamfan.livejournal.com]

http://www.foodnetwork.com/food/cda/recipe_print/0,1946,FOOD_9936_26813_PRINT-RECIPE-FULL-PAGE,00.html

But you'll have to translate the amounts into metric.

The clotted cream had been in the fridge... when I had fresh clotted cream when I actually visited Devonshire twentyodd years ago, it actually reminded me a lot of butter anyway. And this tasted all right, once I'd melted a bit of it.

[clevertoad.livejournal.com]

One of the secrets to good cooking is to actually use the ingredients that the expert cook has given you in the recipe. At least the first time you try the recipe! That's why I'm not a good cook, I fake it too and then look at the results in puzzled indignation and murmur, "Gee, it looked so good in the book...?"

Loved the description of the adventure -- you shall have to use some of that in the story itself, you know. Great excuse to get slightly sloshed, though it's going to take those two topers a lot more wine and porter to get to the point of indiscretion. Count your experience with minor intoxication as grist for the mill and just drink at home. (And picture your teetotalling mother toddling around her grandson's wedding with a cocktail in hand, having the time of her life while she shows off his baby pictures and talks to everybody she recognizes.)

Great stuff, Maynard, even if the rabbit didn't come out as planned.

Oooh, Muppets? Have to get my hands on that someday soon! Do you remember Crystal Gayle on that show -- "We are the crew bound for Alpha Centauri / We must be out of our minds...'

[rabidsamfan.livejournal.com]

When you start with a gallon jug, and most of it's going into only one of you...

I still love the image of mom wandering around the wedding. You know she wanted to show off those pictures, the wine is just an excuse...

I'm going to go invest in muppets now, and then clean frantically while I watch them. I may actually have a *gasp* house guest next weekend!

Oooooh!

[melilot-hill.livejournal.com]

Sounds like quite an adventure LOL. The first time I try out a new recipe I (almost) always follow it to the letter. It's not until the second time I start to experiment. Unless the recipe calls for something I can't have. I hope it'll go better next time :-)

[rabidsamfan.livejournal.com]

I am a Free Spirit! I am Creative! I am... okay, I'm a Bubblehead. But it's fun, most of the time! (And the results were edible, if not perhaps brilliant.)