Still on the Quest

With apologies to William Carlos Williams




This is to just to say
That I have binned the toes
Which you had in the refrigerator*

and which you were probably saving for something
even if they put me off my breakfast.**

Don't bother thanking me.

They were disgusting.
So round.
And purple.
And oozy.




*Which is to say that I have turned them over to Molly for proper and respectful disposal at the morgue, not wanting a repeat of last month's eyeball incident. ***

**And no, I will not be purchasing plums at any time in the near future.****

***Even if they were cow's eyeballs.

****Or prunes.



For the July 6 writing prompt at Watson's Woes. This is about as cracky as I could think of!

Look at me clean house!

Steroids are wonderful stuff!

Too bad I can't sleep!

Asthma is no fun.

Emergency rooms lack charm.

Albuterol. Blech.

Written for: Dejana Talis in the Yuletide 2008 Challenge



A Tiger is Fierce, a Tiger is Loyal,

A Tiger is always a friend to a boy.

A Tiger is Brave, a Tiger is Noble,

A Tiger is never reclusive or coy.

If you meet a Tiger, prepare to be awestruck,

For Tigers are wonderful, peachy and keen,

Their Teeth are as sharp as an icicle hanging,

Their Claws stay in use, so they're constantly clean.

A Tiger is Captain of all he can see;

So bow to the Tiger if you would be free.

"Okay, I sang the song. Now will you let me go?"

"Do the dance, first!"

The plumber's come and gone again,
that man with greying hair,
a mustache like a caterpillar,
and apologetic air.

Last fall he fixed my toilet seal,
and I was grateful then.
Today he came and fixed the heat,
Most glorious of men!

"There's nothing so much wrong,"
he said, but took the thing to bits
And now the furnace purrs along,
Before it was the pits.

So here's to them that fixes things
The men (and women too!)
I'd hate to have to learn it all,
I'd rather call on you!

Once upon an evening dreary
While I pondered sick and weary
Sick and weary of the healthy
broth upon my dinner tray --
Wishing for a proper pudding
Or a roast beef sandwich swimming
In a lovely lake of gravy
Mashed potatoes by the score,
Suddenly there came a tapping
Of some person gently rapping
Shave and haircut came the signal
Signal on my chamber door
“Who’s that knocking?” soft I whispered,
Lest the Ranger-Healer heard me
Came the answer, “Only me,” and nothing more.

“Have you brought me apple dumplings?
Pease and lentils, eggs and bacon?
Have you brought me something tasty?
Beer and pretzels, to my door?”
Wide the chamber door it opened,
Standing there was faithful Samwise,
With his pockets bulging sidewise,
In his hands a plate of sausage,
Sausage pink and raw and horrid,
Nothing like my dreams of yore.

“I shall starve,” I groaned in sorrow,
Looking at that uncooked sausage,
Knowing that I could not eat it,
Without repercussions, repercussions by the score.
But “Hush” he said and nothing more.

To the hearth he crept so quickly
That I did not catch his meaning,
There beside the fire he brought out
Toasting forks and rolls of bread.
“Just you wait,” my Samwise said.

Soon the smells of sausage cooking
Filled my room with golden promise
Out of bed I clambered quickly
Stuffed a bolster ‘gainst the door,
Lest the scent betray our feasting
Bring some scolding, meddling wizard,
Bring some cousins wanting shares
From our small and precious store.
Propped a chair beneath the handle,
Knew we two would soon by candle-
Light be eating all our plunder,
Nice and hot, and full of grease.

Bother Rangers! Bother Wizards!
They have not a Shireling’s knowledge,
Nor a halfling’s common sense,
Forget the trays of simple fare
Broth and toast and tasteless cheese.
Full stomachs do a hobbit ease!



Just a bit of silliness I wrote for febobe

suggested revisions/improvements/additions are perfectly welcome!

isn't in my housie
Fell into the garbage pail
All big eyes and naked tail.
Now he's gone, I let him go
I kind of hope it doesn't snow,
I'd share my home, except you see
It's yucky finding mousie pee.

more of Mid-March

They heard the horns first, and ran to help fight, but by the time they reached the village the celebrations had begun. In swept the reinforcements with a grand flourish and a song:

Ten tall Tooks, on a bell-bedecked sleigh,
Ten tall Tooks are sent by the Thain,
Ten tall Tooks with our bows and our blades
Ten tall Tooks we sing once again.

Ten tall Tooks are sent by the Thain
Away from the comforts of blanket and fire
No matter the wind or the snow or the rain
We are called and we come: The Shire! The Shire!

If you write it down
but it's not in paragraphs
is it poetry?