alternate ending...
May. 19th, 2004 09:03 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rabidsamfanOkay, while I'm waiting for serai to come back with the technical stuff, I had time to muck...
I think this is an improvement on the last few paragraphs, but it may be a little too smarmy. Feel free to be honest!
Frodo looked too, wondering if Pippin could see the glimmers of elflight that danced in Sam’s hair. Twelve days had not been enough to ease the marks that the past winter had left on Sam – the lines of sorrow had been drawn too deeply, and his wrists and ankles still showed thin– but there was a strength to his stance and movements now that spoke of the renewed Earth. The Lady’s gift had seeped in through his pores and was mending him as it mended the trees. As if he could feel his master’s eyes Sam looked up the hill, meeting that gaze with a momentary concern that turned into a shining smile when he saw that Frodo was all right. But his hand reached out and Rosie was there to take it, and Frodo smiled at both of them.
“Find a girl who looks at you the way Rosie looks at Sam,” he told Pippin, as Sam began to work his way up the hill towards the basket of presents, stopping now and then to speak to his guests, or crouch to receive the carefully rehearsed birthday greetings of smallhobbits. “Find a girl who sees you, and you’ll be all right.”
“Do you think that’s possible, Frodo?”
Frodo gazed out over the world before him, seeing the trees that lined the Road pushing out new leaves, and the flush of green that was cheerfully obliterating the scars of the year gone by. A burst of carefree laughter from below caught his ear and he smiled to see Merry bowing with exaggerated gallantry to a bevy of bright eyed lasses as they cheerfully jostled each other for the privilege of being escorted up the hill. There was no malice in them, no despair in the well-earned fussing of the elderly hobbits over the manners of the young, no fear on any face he saw before him. The Shire was healing, and its folk were healing too. Frodo took a deep breath of the perfumed air, turning up his head to look at the miracle of the mallorn flowers one more time. He’d not felt this safe and whole since he’d woken in Ithilien. “I think it must be, Pippin,” he said, and then smiled at his young cousin, “Some days I think anything is possible.”
Timeline (fiction only, most recent version, includes AU) first previous next last
I think this is an improvement on the last few paragraphs, but it may be a little too smarmy. Feel free to be honest!
Frodo looked too, wondering if Pippin could see the glimmers of elflight that danced in Sam’s hair. Twelve days had not been enough to ease the marks that the past winter had left on Sam – the lines of sorrow had been drawn too deeply, and his wrists and ankles still showed thin– but there was a strength to his stance and movements now that spoke of the renewed Earth. The Lady’s gift had seeped in through his pores and was mending him as it mended the trees. As if he could feel his master’s eyes Sam looked up the hill, meeting that gaze with a momentary concern that turned into a shining smile when he saw that Frodo was all right. But his hand reached out and Rosie was there to take it, and Frodo smiled at both of them.
“Find a girl who looks at you the way Rosie looks at Sam,” he told Pippin, as Sam began to work his way up the hill towards the basket of presents, stopping now and then to speak to his guests, or crouch to receive the carefully rehearsed birthday greetings of smallhobbits. “Find a girl who sees you, and you’ll be all right.”
“Do you think that’s possible, Frodo?”
Frodo gazed out over the world before him, seeing the trees that lined the Road pushing out new leaves, and the flush of green that was cheerfully obliterating the scars of the year gone by. A burst of carefree laughter from below caught his ear and he smiled to see Merry bowing with exaggerated gallantry to a bevy of bright eyed lasses as they cheerfully jostled each other for the privilege of being escorted up the hill. There was no malice in them, no despair in the well-earned fussing of the elderly hobbits over the manners of the young, no fear on any face he saw before him. The Shire was healing, and its folk were healing too. Frodo took a deep breath of the perfumed air, turning up his head to look at the miracle of the mallorn flowers one more time. He’d not felt this safe and whole since he’d woken in Ithilien. “I think it must be, Pippin,” he said, and then smiled at his young cousin, “Some days I think anything is possible.”
Timeline (fiction only, most recent version, includes AU) first previous next last
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(no subject)
Date: 2004-05-20 02:14 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2004-05-20 02:36 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2004-05-20 02:52 am (UTC)There was no malice in them, no despair in the well-earned fussing of the elderly hobbits over the manners of the young, no fear on any face he saw before him. The Shire was healing, and its folk were healing too.
You have somehow pinpointed the importance of this healing for both Frodo and Sam -- Frodo in looking at the people, and Sam in caring for the countryside (and yet also vice versa, each in his own way.) And Merry and Pippin are agents in that healing: Merry in the present, and Pippin in the hopeful future.
Lovely!
(no subject)
Date: 2004-05-20 11:56 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2004-05-20 08:33 am (UTC)Take the time you need - I have started to translate "Those who remain" by Marnie instead ( a Must-Read for a Sam-fan like you, so, if you can spare the time, go here:
http://www.henneth-annun.net/stories/chapter_view.cfm?STID=733&SPOrdinal=1)
*hugs*
(no subject)
Date: 2004-05-20 11:55 am (UTC)And I'm almost done, truly. I just want to find out what it was serai thought could be improved and fix or notfix and then it can go. (And I can concentrate on the next part of "Unlucky" which is next in line.) But the ending needed a little fussing with.
(no subject)
Date: 2004-05-20 02:25 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2004-05-20 02:45 pm (UTC)I will translate more of her Celeborn-tales in the future -it is fine to honor a figure who - in books and movie - often seems to be nothing more than a silent, unimportant husband who better keeps quiet as long as his famous wife has something to say.
(no subject)
Date: 2004-05-20 02:49 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2004-05-20 02:59 pm (UTC)LOL - oh, how much I'd like to be able to do that! But I fear, my knowledge of elvish includes not much more than Mae govannen and Mellon.
No, I translate into german. I have a site with translated Tolkien FF. If you want to have a look, go here: http://www.cuthalionsbogen.de/stories.html.
(no subject)
Date: 2004-05-20 03:04 pm (UTC)Thanks for the info!
(no subject)
Date: 2004-05-20 02:16 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2004-05-20 07:30 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2004-05-20 02:26 pm (UTC)ReL Sam & Shire
Date: 2004-05-20 04:25 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2004-05-20 07:29 pm (UTC)Re: R&R expanded
Date: 2004-05-20 04:31 pm (UTC)In a different kind of story, it would be surprise twist of the knife, but since the movement of this story is slow and intimate, there should be a gradual build-up. If you wrote it that way, I may have been the only one who missed it. On the other hand, I may be the only one who read the last line as a change in expectation. What did you mean by it?
Re: R&R expanded
Date: 2004-05-20 07:28 pm (UTC)Re: R&R expanded
Date: 2004-05-20 09:37 pm (UTC)