I think that everything you added expands and improves. However I still find the "anything is possible" unrealistic, unless you really mean that Frodo can imagine a future for himself in the Shire, after having just spent the entire story arranging for things to go on without him. If you are up for any more rewriting, you should expand on and foreshadow that, because it is too much of a change (a huge, AU change) to slip in and walk away from.
In a different kind of story, it would be surprise twist of the knife, but since the movement of this story is slow and intimate, there should be a gradual build-up. If you wrote it that way, I may have been the only one who missed it. On the other hand, I may be the only one who read the last line as a change in expectation. What did you mean by it?
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branchandroot
Re: R&R expanded
Date: 2004-05-20 04:31 pm (UTC)In a different kind of story, it would be surprise twist of the knife, but since the movement of this story is slow and intimate, there should be a gradual build-up. If you wrote it that way, I may have been the only one who missed it. On the other hand, I may be the only one who read the last line as a change in expectation. What did you mean by it?