(no subject)

[rabidsamfan]

I went to a funeral yesterday.


My idea of purgatory is endless funerals. I'm really bad at them, probably because I can't go to one without thinking of my grandmother's funeral. I didn't even know the person this time -- I went because he was the father of a good friend -- and I still ended up leaking through the eulogy. It was a good eulogy though, the kind that starts out a little stiff and then suddenly delineates the person who's died in a few swift sure scenes. A celebration of a life, really.

It's a better kind of funeral than my family's done, which have mostly been ministers talking at you. I was so angry at my father's funeral -- he was agnostic at best, and the minister kept on going on about how sure he was to be in heaven -- I barely remember anything about it except for being outside. Grandma's funeral was open casket, and has left me with a permanent distaste for open caskets. She never wore makeup in her life, and it bothered me to find her fancied up like a call girl for all eternity.

When I go I want to be cremated and the ashes spread over the Colorado Mountains. Not that that will happen if Mom is still around. But I don't want to be embalmed. Stick me in the ground in a plain pine box and plant a tree on top if you have to, so that something gets the benefit of me.

Aw, hell, I'm leaking again...

Comments

[claudia603.livejournal.com]

I know my grandfather's funeral was really beautiful, in particular. He was cremated and so there were just pictures of him around, and my sister and I both got to speak, and the whole thing was done with such taste and there was music, too. I say he would have loved it. He was very well-liked and so there were lots and lots of people there. Still, I cried hysterically through the whole thing...

[b-briarwood.livejournal.com]

*hugs you and pats your back*

[notabluemaia.livejournal.com]

Every funeral is part of a timelessness, similar to Chrismases. They all become linked together, rather than a part of the linear time in which they occur. There is not a one that does not take me back to those of loved ones, those whose funerals I have planned... In a second, I am there again. *leaks*

Just yesterday I heard of someone whose family had taken his ashes, at his request, to a fireworks maker - they'd all gone into the country he loved and set off a gorgeous rocket, sending his remains to the heavens, to fall softly upon the land he'd loved. I did like that... Flame of Anor, indeed.

[mariole.livejournal.com]

We sprinkled my friend's ashes in the Colorado Mountains - Independence Pass. His parents were too broken up to do it, but we picked a place that was accessible so they could go there if they wanted to. It was a magical day. We cried a lot and remembered Mark. It was cold, with a brisk wind. Altogether perfect. *hugs you*

[rabidsamfan.livejournal.com]

I lived in Leadville for a while.

Independence Pass would be a good place for that.

[lily-the-hobbit.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

Funerals are quite an ordeal for me as well. It's not that I don't want to honour the person who died, it's just that it kind of breaks my heart to go to a funeral.

[rubynye.livejournal.com]

*offers a hug*

*doesn't know what to say, but listens*

[danachan.livejournal.com]

*offers hugs*

[unhobbityhobbit.livejournal.com]

Never had an open casket funeral and I'm very glad of that! Mum's funeral was an atheist one and the most religious thing about it was a pause to think and let religious people pray.

I don't like going to funerals but I always feel that I must because I once missed one and felt terrible and had a horrid dream so now I make sure I go to them.

I'd rather a tree was planted on me, if only so my realatives can eat the fruit and say "I'm eating Granny!". In fact, I'll request it in my will.

[dreamflower]

I don't much care for funerals or wakes either, but sometimes you have to bite the bullet. I can count the ones I've been to on my fingers.

I've only been to one which I could describe as--well, not "good" or "nice", but as being an overall positive and uplifting experience. An SCA friend who had lost her long battle with breast cancer fairly young, had her funeral all planned. She had requested that we attend dressed in garb, and her pallbearers were all knights and squires. Everyone was crying and the weather was dismal, but there was a sense of community and well-being I've not ever felt at other funerals.

[elasg.livejournal.com]

Have to admit, the best funeral I ever attended was also an SCA one... Octa Bluetooth. Perhaps it was the sense of 'community' that kept it from hurting so much.

[elasg.livejournal.com]

I don't do well at funerals either.

I know they are necessary, but, like you, I'd rather people didn't get put through that kind of torment on my behalf. I think I'll have an Irish wake and have my ashes spread in the mountains where I work. That way the only bad feeling my friends and family will have will be the hangover they wake up with next morning.

[lame-pegasus.livejournal.com]

When my father was buried, I stood in numb disbelief, staring at the flower-covered coffin (wildflowers, my father loved them much more than expensive roses or lilies). I didn't cry very much... that came years later when I visited his grave, alone with my husband and my son. There was a feast after the funeral, with coffee and cake and my eldest (who was one year old then), wandering from arm to arm and making my desperate mother laugh.

It is not wrong to cry when you're suddenly reminded that there's an end to all things. It's very natural. And the idea with your ashes strewn over the Colorado Mountains is splendid.

I wouldn't like to have a buried coffin myself either. I would like to be cremated and have someone who knowed and loved me fill my ashes in small boxes, sending them to the friends all around the world I've found in my life. Then they shall go to all the places they would have shown me when I ever had the chance to visit them and strew "their" part of my ash there.

That idea makes me very sad (for it means that I have to go someday, and that's so painfully hard to accept!). And it makes me smile at the same time.

*hugs*

[sila-lumenn.livejournal.com]

*hugs you tight*

[lindelea1.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[lilybaggins.livejournal.com]

*HUGS*

I was glad that we decided to have my dad cremated. The funeral took place in the little church he went to for many years... and instead of an open casket (I don't think my family could have stood that) we had pictures and family memorabilia. It was hard, but it was about as good as a funeral gets, when it comes to an "uplifting" experience. Another reason we decided against a casket, or an open casket---we didn't know how much my mother would understand, or know, and didn't want to scare her.

Funerals really should do more than honor the dead... they should be as easy as possible on the family.

Seriousness aside, a friend of mine told me about a friend of hers who went to the visitation of a relative's body in the funeral home... only to get there and discover that she and the deceased were wearing the same dress!

[(Anonymous)]

My grandmother's ashes were put in a custom made "cookie" jar (without the word cookies on the side)with a dragon on the top. We all agreed it was a shame to bury it. Her will said "NO CLERGY!" with underlines. Instead we hired a dixie-land band to play.

Also told stories about her electric brownies and abundance of wine bottle openers.

It was a good day of rememberance. Just what it should have been.

R-