Doubt

[rabidsamfan]

When Jim put the gun in his mouth, Sherlock knew that there would be no way out. He pushed away from the lunatic, eyes wild, as the gun went off and took with it any hope of coming out of this mess with his life intact.

Yes, he had a backup plan. Of course he'd had a backup plan, but it all depended on other people and none of those people was John.

John.

John.

And Mrs. Hudson. And Lestrade. But John most of all, who couldn't be told now, couldn't be in on the game not that it was a game, not anymore, not that it ever had been a game, just a dance to Moriarty's piping. Even in death Jim Moriarty would win if John knew, and that would be the end of John. The end of everything.

And if Molly weren't what she seemed, if somehow Moriarty had gotten to any of the people that Sherlock needed to make his backup plan work and there were too many of them, always too many of them but it couldn't be done with less, no matter how hard he calculated then it would be the end anyway, the end of everything but John, and that had to matter, didn't it?

And he'd hesitated too long, thought too much, because that was a cab pulling up, and it was John getting out of it, which meant Mrs. Hudson was all right of course she was all right but now John would be there, John would see and know and it wasn't meant to trick John, not John of all people, but Sherlock wouldn't know, would he, wouldn't know if it was a trick of his or a trick of Moriarty's until he tried it and let gravity take him down and down and down and even if he weren't betrayed, even if everyone who had to be in on the secret was sure and honest and true as true as John then it could still go wrong because gravity always wanted to win and if it won like Jim he'd die.

But there was John. And John had his phone, and Sherlock could do this, could make this work, even if he could see John's face from here, would know what it looked like when he lied to satisfy Moriarty's men, would know what it looked like when he broke John's belief in him, would know what it looked like when he said goodbye, and then he would fall, would make himself fall would let himself fall and John would live.

As long as Moriarty hadn't lied, John would live.

Please, God, let him live.

Comments

[mariole.livejournal.com]

You have gutted me.

Once again, with so few words:
> Please, God, let him live.

A play on John's very dying words.

Well done. You have gutted me.

[ancalime8301]

What she said. *points*

[volkhvoi.livejournal.com]

What they said. *points*

[alchemy-fire.livejournal.com]

I can't even... How am I suppose to work today with my mind all occupied with The Fall?
You did a wonderful job, here. And the last words... <3 Nice touch.

[solrosan.livejournal.com]

I needed to read something like this, thank you so much! It was lovely and sad and.... ♥

[e-witness.livejournal.com]

Oh God. Fantastic write-up of Sherlock's inner thoughts as the last scenes of the Fall go down. Rings very, very true.

[capt-facepalm.livejournal.com]

Sigh.
Yes. This is perfect. Thanks.

[liederlady221b.livejournal.com]

Oh god, yes, this is beautiful! Using John's line from ASoP was ... it's beautiful.

I was so concerned that Steve Thompson would ruin this ep, but this is actually the strongest of the season. And Toby Haynes' direction was incredible. Bravos all around.

And this fic is gorgeous too! Much love!

[missilemuse.livejournal.com]

I think that I may have hidden masochistic tendencies, for I loved this fic; will be a part of my head-canon now!

[dimity-blue.livejournal.com]

Oh, Sherlock. :o(

Really, really well done. Thank you.