rabidsamfan: samwise gamgee, I must see it through (Default)
[personal profile] rabidsamfan
Okay, Illyria mentioned being interested in how I trimmed/edited when I did; and I'm feeling a little wistful, because only two people read/commented on the version with the kiss... so for them as are interested in the editing process I thought I'd post up the marked up version showing the changes, and for them as think I should have left well enough alone, please tell me, so I can make my final run through! I'm not at all confident about writing romance!

The cleaned up version is here:

http://www.livejournal.com/users/rabidsamfan/6455.html#cutid1

And here's the

The Ringbearer and the Rose

"Rosie, has there been any word from Sam?" Frodo asked when she came in to open the curtains in the morning.

"Not yet, Mr. Frodo," she said, but she straightened a moment later and shielded her eyes with one hand. "Wait. That's him."

Frodo got out of bed and went to the window. He could see see a distant figure, coming slowly down the Hill, with a pony following lamefooted behind. She was right, it had to be Sam, for as the sun rose higher, it glinted off the gold mail he still wore when he travelled in case any of the ruffians had lingered. "I wonder what happened to Bill," Frodo said, reassured in an odd way that it was the pony’s injury that had delayed Sam’s return. Sam would never mistreat Bill; not even to rush back to Hobbiton.

Rose jumped a little at the discovery that Frodo was beside her. "Oh, Mr. Frodo, are you sure you should be out of bed? You took such a bad turn the other day."

"It was a passing thing," he reassured her, and at her doubtful look smiled. "Truly. Please don't tell Sam about it. He'd only fret."

"He's turned aside..." Rosie said, her attention going back to the window at the mention of Sam. Frodo wondered if she’d come to his room each morning just because it had the best view of the road. He wasn’t the only one who was waiting for Sam. But now that he knew that Sam was safe he could wait a little longer.

"Going to see the Gaffer, I expect," he said, fondly. "Sam tends the things he loves."

"Well he doesn't love himself much then," she said indignantly, rearranging the clutter on top of the dresser fiercely. "As tired as he's been the last two times he's come home, you'd think he'd stop for a day or two. And what kept him so long this time I don't know. He drives himself like he's got to see the whole Shire put back the way it was and he's the only one can do it; and if he'd just once ask for help he'd find out that I..."

"That you love him?" Frodo said, into her sudden silence.

"I do," she whispered. "But it's you he looks for first."

Frodo didn't know what to say to that. To his astonishment, she reached for his maimed hand and took it in between her own, much the way that Sam did sometimes, to reassure him that it was not shameful. "He won't say what happened, except that you had a hard time of it," she said softly. "Says it's not a story he can tell, and then goes and works all the harder so he can sleep without dreaming. Sam without words! All my life I've listened to him telling tales, and now the one tale I most want to hear and he can't bear to tell it to me."

"It's a year ago today since I knew he was coming home," she went on.. "But he's not arrived yet, not all the way, has he? No more than you have."

"It wasn't home we found, when we came back," Frodo found himself answering, his eye following the line of small saplings that should have been tall trees, up to the half-mended scar of the sandpit on the Hill. "Not the Shire we'd dreamed about -- the one he held in his heart." He smiled at the lass before him, glad to have someone to talk to about Sam. "He held you in his heart, too."

"I'd have gone with him if he'd asked me," she said, her bright blue eyes meeting Frodo's. "To see the elves and all. I've dreamed of it since I was a littling. But he never did ask."

"He couldn't. Gandalf made him promise to keep the secret. And Merry and Pippin had guessed beforehand. I should have left them all behind and safe, if I could."

"You'd have broken Sam's heart if you had," Rosie said. "And the ruffians would have broken his head when they started digging up Bagshot Row. He'd have been in the lockholes sooner than Will Whitfoot! There wasn't no safety here, Mr. Frodo. Not while the Enemy was hunting the Ring and the Shadow growing all the while."

"And then Saruman came and made things worse," Frodo said bitterly.

"No," she said, her eyes distant. "No the worst was before -- wakin' up in the morning and feeling like there wasn't no point in fighting back. Like you couldn’t stop against the changes anymore than you could hold back the rain by shouting rhymes at it. Waitin' for winter to end, and the sun so thin in the sky it couldn't hardly be said to be shinin' at all."

"I never knew the Shadow reached so far," Frodo said sadly.

"And why not? It's the same air here as anywhere else.”

”Sam knew,” Frodo confessed. “He saw what might happen to the Shire in Galadriel’s mirror; the Gaffer being turned out and all. But we had still a long way to go to Mordor, and he chose to come home with me or not at all.” Frodo put his maimed hand against the windowpane, letting the sun shine on the scar as it shone on the scars on the Hill. “I’d hoped we’d prevented his vision from coming true.”

”That’s it,” Rosie said, as if she’d been given a key to a lock. “That’s why he’s doing it. Don’t you see, Mr. Frodo, he blames himself. That’s why he won’t take any help.” Her eyes were bright with excitement. “Oh that’s got to be it. You’ve got to talk to him, tell him it’s all right. He’ll listen to you.”

”But… I don’t understand.” Frodo said.

”Please,” Rosie begged. “Please talk to him. Or one of these times he’ll go off and when he gets too near the borders the wind will take him off and we’ll never see him again.”

Frodo wasn’t sure about that, but she was worried, and he wanted to talk to Sam in any case, so he smiled at her and patted her shoulder. “We can’t let that happen. I’ll go this morning if you like, but you’ll have to let me get dressed first.”

She kissed him on the cheek, the way she kissed her brothers when they brought her ribbons from the village. “I’ll have your breakfast ready!” she promised, dancing to the door. “Oh, thank you!”

***


When Frodo reached the row of new smials that had been built at the back of the leveled sandpit he found the Gaffer out in the morning light, mixing mulch and dirt to go into the raised beds that Sam had had built to make it easier for him to reach them. The old hobbit touched his hat when he noticed Frodo. “Good morning, Mr. Frodo,” he said.

“Good morning, Master Gamgee,” Frodo answered.

“If you’re looking for that pony, you’ll have to go along to the blacksmith, for he’s thrown a shoe. But if you’re looking for Sam, he’s inside,” waving a welcome to Frodo to enter his new home.

“Thank you,” Frodo said, and went on in.
He found Sam slumped in the Gaffer’s chair, his breakfast plate forgotten on the floor beside him. He turned his head a little as Frodo came in out of the bright morning light.

“Well it's gone.”

Frodo thought Sam was talking about the Ring until he saw that Sam was turning Galadriel's box in his hands. "There was a wee bit left, but I couldn’t do no more, and I didn’t know as it would stay good past this Spring Bill lost a shoe and I had to come back after all, so I stopped at the Three Farthing Stone on the way and gave it to the wind." He handed the box to Frodo. "I hope that was the right thing to do."

"I'm sure it was, Sam," Frodo said, opening the small box in his hands. A single grain of dust clung to the bottom, so tiny that only the glow of its magic gave it away. How many trees had Sam planted in these few months? Hundreds at least, perhaps thousands. So many grains of dust would fit into even this small a box, and he'd watched Sam planting the chestnuts along the Bywater road, using tweezers to place a single speck of Galadriel's gift with each of the new trees. There must hardly be a village in the Shire that hadn't seen Sam come through since fall.

Small wonder he was tired.

Frodo touched Sam's shoulder and for a long moment he saw his friend and servant with the strange new vision that the Ring had bequeathed him -- not as a hobbit, but as a tree that has been roughly uprooted and washed downstream until it comes to a muddy place and tries to take root again.

The vision passed, and as his eyes adjusted to the dimness of the smial he realized that Sam was pale and drawn, and almost as thin as he’d been last March. Rosie was right. A puff of wind would put him on the road again.

Frodo let the bittersweet temptation linger for a moment. How marvelous to leave the troubles of the Shire behind. How soothing to walk in the wilderness again with Sam beside him and Lothlorien ahead, and no burden to trouble either of them as they sat and shared a bit of supper.

“Sam, you addlepate, have you let your breakfast go cold?” the Gaffer stood in the doorway, peering at the half-filled plate by his son’s feet. “There’s no call to go wastin’ vittles.”

“You can have it, Dad,” Sam said, with the careful clarity that they’d learned worked best in the face of his father’s deafness. “I had a good breakfast before I started out this morning.” He started to lever up, but Frodo stopped him, and shook his head as he bent to retrieve the plate.

“Not this time,” he said. “It’s all right, Master Gamgee. I’ll see to Sam.”

“Well and good, Mr. Frodo,” said the old hobbit, unoffended. “He might listen to you when he don’t listen to sense.” He picked up a trowel that he’d left on a shelf by the door and went outside again.

Frodo put the spoon into Sam’s hand and the plate onto his lap.

“You need to eat, Sam,” he ordered. “At least a few bites more. And then you need some proper sleep. You’ve worn yourself out with all this traveling.”

Sam almost smiled for a moment, and he dutifully ate a bite of the porridge, but then he put the spoon carefully down. “Maybe after I’ve slept some,” he said.

Frodo thought of all the breakfasts he’d barely touched and forbore from chiding Sam. “If you’re sure, Sam.”

“I am.” Sam pushed himself out of the chair, and stumbled towards the bedroom. Frodo followed him and helped him get out of the heavy mail shirt. Sam was too tired to make more than a token protest, and Frodo waved it aside.

“I don’t mind, Sam. You can’t sleep in all that.”

“I did on the road,” Sam said, rocking gently where he stood. “It don’t matter.”

Frodo hung the mail carefully over the back of a chair, moving aside Sam’s bulging saddlebags. By the look of this room, Sam had barely spent enough time in it to make an impression. Only the Elven cloak was neatly hanging in its place. Everything else was still in packs, or in jumbled piles, waiting to be washed. Frodo gave up looking for a nightshirt, and turned back to Sam.
Sam had fumbled off the swordbelt, and was clutching Sting in its scabbard to his chest,
Frodo realized that there were tears running streaming down Sam’s his face. Frodo took the sword and set it on the chair and steered his exhausted friend into the bed. “What is it, Sam?” he asked, once he’d gotten Sam lying down.

“It’s Gollum,” Sam said, turning his head on the pillow as if he were ashamed to have said as much.

Gollum? Frodo sat very still as the memories of Smeagol danced in front of his eyes. “What about him?” he asked, when he could speak again.

“A year ago today he fell, Mr. Frodo, and ain’t nobody grieved for him yet.” Sam shivered under Frodo’s hand, like the Mountain had shaken with hidden torments.

“And aren’t you grieving for him now, Sam?” Frodo said, pulling the blanket up to Sam’s shoulders. “He’s not forgotten, Sam. I promise.”

“But he’s gone,” Sam wailed. “And he didn’t have to be, or Gandalf wouldn’t’ve come to the mountain with three eagles and not just two. And it’s my fault. I never thought about how hard words hurt.” For a moment his eyes went to the window, where the Gaffer could be seen puttering among the flowerbeds. “I wonder sometimes… he was so quietlike there on the stairs… If I’d not called him a sneak…” Sam curled into a tight, miserable ball, trying to hide his sobs, and all that Frodo could do was stay and rub his shoulders, and wait for the storm to pass. It didn’t take long. Sam was too weary. In time he uncurled, wrung out but for a last few shudders, and waited for Frodo’s judgment.

“I hurt him first and worst at the pool by Henneth Annun,” Frodo told Sam, admitting it aloud for the sake of lost Smeagol. “He might still have come to me if I’d told him the truth, but I never gave him the chance.” He used his handkerchief on Sam. His own tears burned hot inside, but he wouldn’t… couldn’t cry.

“You meant no harm,” Sam said, patting Frodo’s hand weakly, as if he could see Frodo’s distress in spite of eyes that would barely stay open. “And you’d been woke out of a sound sleep, and the first good bed you’d seen in a long time.”

“Just as you’d been wakened on the Stairs,” Frodo reminded him. “There’s no good in wondering about might have beens, Sam. We did our best.”

“I’ll believe it if you will,” Sam murmured, melting into the pillow.

Frodo waited, but Sam didn’t speak again, and his breathing softened. “It wasn’t your fault,” he whispered, when he was sure that Sam was sleeping. “None of it was.”



It wasn’t until he got outside, all the way to the stone wall that marked the edge of the old hillside and the new garden that he was able to cry. The dreams made sense now, horrible sense, and he could deny them no longer. So he sat in the winter grass and leaned on the cool stones of the wall and wept, not knowing if he wept for Smeagol, or Sam, or for himself. And after a time, Rosie found him there, and gathered him into her arms and let him cry on her shoulder without saying a word.

***


She waited, rocking him gently and rubbing his back to soothe him. The Gaffer was puttering happily in his garden – there would be time to go to Sam – she could take time enough now for Frodo.

He never let anyone see seen him crying; not since after the battle, when Elma Bracegirdle found two of her sons in the rows of slain hobbits and the whole village had been weeping. He hid his tears, even from himself. But she was the one who changed the linens, and she knew it wasn’t sweat that made his pillow damp so many mornings.

Even before he’d gone away, he’d been shy of showing too much of his heart; quick with a song, a story or laughter, but quiet with his griefs. A gentlehobbit in more sense than one, was Mr. Frodo, even if most of Hobbiton and Bywater thought him a bit too educated for his own good. There’d been more than one lass had set her cap for the master of Bag End, only to find herself forgotten for the sake of a bit of poetry or a book that he’d tucked into the picnic basket. She could remember Angelica Brownlock saying once that it wasn’t much fun chasing after a hobbit who was prettier than she was and likely to stay that way. Better just to stand back and enjoy looking from afar.

But he looked every year of his age since he’d come back. There were new lines drawn into his fine, fair skin, and new sorrows in his eyes. Her father thought it only right, she knew, and respected Frodo’s judgment all the more for the silver strands in his hair. But he felt frail in her arms, like a child newly risen from a long bout of fever.

At last he pulled up a little, and she could take the corner of her apron to his face. “There now, there, it will be all right,” she murmured, as if he were one of her nephews weeping over a skinned knee.

”It won’t,” he said, “not if Sam leaves the Shire.”

”Leaves? Sam?” Her eyes stung. “Why would he leave?”

”Because you were right, Rosie. You saw what I didn’t want to see. A puff of wind…” He swallowed, once and again, as if he were finding the words hard to get past his throat. “If it weren’t for the Gaffer he’d already be gone.”

”Nay, nay,” she said. “Why would he go?”

”He’s grieving,” Frodo said. “Grieving for Gollum, and the trees of the Shire, and everywhere he looks he sees reminders of what he didn’t do, and forgets all he did. He’ll go. It will hurt too much to stay. Unless…” his eyes searched her face, as if he were looking for something only he could see. “Will you marry him, Rosie?”

”Marry him?” She cried, “How can I marry him if he won’t even court me?” It was the question she’d asked herself a hundred times since November, and it didn’t improve by being asked again. She’d had such hopes when Sam came to their farm in his fine new armor and all, but after the battle and the death of Saruman he’d hardly seemed to notice her at all. anything but the work yet to be done. “How can I marry him when he doesn’t even see me looks right past me?”

”Make him see you,” Frodo urged her. “Don’t let him go away.”
He tried to smile, but it couldn’t reach his eyes. “I know it’s not the way things are done. He ought to be the one to speak. But he can’t until he’s sure he’s staying and he won’t stay unless he’s sure of his ground.”
“But I don’t even know if he wants to marry me,” Rosie protested.
“He did when we last left Rivendell,” Frodo said, with a certainty that warmed her frightened heart. And now he did smile. “I heard him practicing your name how to speak his heart while we were riding to Bree. If it hadn’t been for all the troubles I think he’d have asked for your hand long since.” He sighed a little, and took hold of the gem he wore on a chain around his neck with his maimed hand. “But the way things turned out… I know him, Rose Cotton,
He wants to court you. I’m sure of it. But he needs reminding. I know him better than I do myself, Rose Cotton, and I know that he's not one to put himself forward. He hasn't a thing to offer you, from his standpoint, that you can't find better somewhere else. The gold Bilbo gave him he's spent helping others, and restoring Bagshot Row, so he's not got a roof of his own.”
“As if that mattered to me!” Rosie said.
“It matters to Sam,” Frodo told her.
“And then there's the gossip. Merry and Pippin don't seem to come in for much of it, but they're always laughing these days. And I'm the nephew of Mad Baggins, and never had a reputation to begin with. But Sam -- it's hard on a hobbit to leave the Shire and come back. There's always fools ready to label him as queer. They’ll push him away if they can, and they mustn’t. He’s heard the fools; I’ve heard them myself, ready to think that we’ve lost any hobbitsense we ever had. How can he ask you to be an object of gossip? But, oh, he needs you, Rose.” He needs someone to anchor him here."

"But isn't he anchored to you?


She dismissed that objection too. If she cared what the gossips said she’d hardly be sitting in the sunshine with her arms around Frodo Baggins. But there were other considerations, and harder to get around, before she could wed Samwise Gamgee. ” And wouldn't you be jealous, if I took too much of his time?"

Frodo shook his head. "Tis the other way around, Rose. The only thing holding me here is Sam. It doesn't work the other way, no matter how much I wish it did. ” He touched her cheek, softly, so that she could not look away. “I would never be jealous of you for loving Sam. Only grateful to you for healing him."

She looked away, ducked her head, "I was that jealous of you, while I was waiting for Sam to come back. And I feel it still sometimes. ” It was hard to admit that, and harder still to go on, “But the strangest thing is that but never when I see him with you it’s different. It'd be like I was jealous of the sun for making the moon shine at night. Might as well be jealous of the Shire, for needing someone to plant trees around."

“I’m neither Sun, nor Shire,” Frodo said, shaken by her words.

“You are to Sam,” she said, and found her heart the lighter for accepting it. But Frodo bowed his shoulders, as if he’d been given a heavy burden, and shook his head, denying it.

“No,” he said. “No. For Sam is the Shire, and if I am the Sun I am setting. Elrond healed me in Rivendell, Galadriel solaced my grief in Lothlorien, and Gandalf summoned me from death in Ithilien. It is only by the power of the three remaining Rings that I have been given the grace of a few years, and the three Rings are fading. They will leave Middle Earth in time.”

“I don’t understand,” she said, feeling as if a cloud had come over the sun. She didn’t want to understand. But she had to.

"I cannot be what Sam needs.
I'm dying, Rose. I’ve seen it, and I know it is true. When the Three leave Middle Earth, all that keeps me from the cold and grief and shadow will be gone, and I shall slip deeper and deeper into pain and bitterness and death. And there will be nothing Sam can do to save me, but he will try, and that will break him."

"But that would break him," she protested.

“It would,” Frodo agreed. “I’ve seen him wandering alone, like Gollum, bereft of all he loved.” He sighed, and rubbed his thumb against his scar. “I’d hoped it was only nightmares,” he whispered, closing his eyes against the vision.
"But I can spare him that, if I go with Gandalf and the others. I've seen that too -- a future where Sam stays in the Shire, and is whole and well for many years.” But it will require something -- something I cannot give him

“Because you leave him?” She didn’t believe that. But Frodo smiled at her.
“Because he finds something which I cannot give him,” he said.

"Me?" she whispered, hoping that his dreams would guide hers.

"A child." He took her hands in his. "I won't lie to you, Rose Cotton. If you choose this to marry him you shall always have times when you feel second best, because you do not need Sam as much as Sam needs you. You are the stronger, now. You will shall have to love him as he has loved me, knowing all the while that my eyes have gone to Bilbo -- yes, and even to the Ring -- before him. I might have withered without Sam's care, but it was always there, and I took it for granted. It is only now that I am learning how much it has meant to me."

She couldn’t answer. She had to think. “But if you go… if you go before the baby comes… he’ll follow you, won’t he? He’d follow you to the moon. And I’d be all alone.” It would hurt worse than it had the last time, if she won Sam and lost him again.

Frodo put his face in his hands. “I thought to go come autumn,” he admitted. “When the leaves turn gold again. But I shall send a message to Elrond and tell him that I cannot go until I am certain of Sam’s healing. Bilbo…” his voice thickened, “Bilbo might last another year. And even if he doesn’t… It’s not like he hasn’t already beaten the Old Took is it?”

“Oh, Mr. Frodo,” she said, and gathered him to her again. “Oh, me dear, me dear. If it’s worth as much to you as that, then of course I’ll marry Samwise Gamgee.”

“Thank you,” he told her shoulder.

She felt laughter welling up inside her like a song, the way she had a year ago, and she let it free into the bright sunlight. “Now all I have to do is tell Sam!”

***

Her laughter unloosed his, and his own joy surprised him. She understood. She understood, and everything would come out right now. He hugged her tight, enjoying the rapturous tingling feeling of balancing between laughter and tears, because he was not alone. And then a strange movement caught his eye. Dandelion leaves creeping out over the grass.
Frodo stared past Rosie’s shoulder, frozen with the realization that he was watching a flower push its way out of the ground. “Rose?” he said, “look.”

“No, you look,” she said, her voice hoarse with awe.

He turned and saw the saplings along the road, stretching upwards, the small twig fingers waving in the breeze as if the wind were blowing them everyway around. Already small buds were showing, swelling out of their parent stems as if one day would have to do for twenty.

It was magic.

“Sam!” Frodo yelled, flinging himself back toward Bagshot Row with Rosie in tow. Sam had to witness this!

And at his cry Sam came tumbling out of the smial with Sting drawn and ready, braced for an attack. He stopped, confused, when he saw the wide grin on Frodo’s face. “What is it?” he asked, and then he saw the trees, and the blade fell from his nerveless fingers.

The golden-green of spring growth swept along the grass, leaving daisies in its wake. A flush of color swept up Sam’s face, and tears started in his eyes. “Oh, Mr. Frodo,” he whispered. “Mr. Frodo. Look what the Lady’s done for us.”

You did it, Sam,” Rosie said, her eyes shining. “You shared her gift with all the Shire.” Before he could move or speak she took his head in her hands and kissed him. And Sam, startled beyond thinking, forgot to stare at the trees and stared at her instead.

Frodo laughed, and then hastily bent to retrieve the sword before either of them stumbled onto it. “What about the little seed, Sam?” he asked, although he thought he knew the answer. “Where did you plant that part of the Lady’s gift?”

“The party field!” Sam exclaimed, catching Rosie’s hand and starting off. “Let’s go see!” He got a few steps and then stopped, and turned. “Mr. Frodo?”

“Go on,” Frodo said, showing the blade in his hand. “I’ll put this away first and catch you up.” He couldn’t stop smiling; Sam was dazed yet, but the dissatisfaction had fallen from him like an old coat. Rose smiled back at Frodo and he nodded a little, to let her know that he would take his time coming.


**

They climbed through the field hand in hand, with the grass tickling their feet as it grew, and as they climbed he saw a thin wand of silver rising from the place where the party tree had stood. Already it was as tall as he, and twigs were growing off the main stem, sketching a promise of the shape of the tree to come. They came close enough to touch, but he did not dare touch yet, for fear that he would waken, and the dream would flee.

“What kind of tree is it?” Rosie asked, leaning against him, so that he could not help but put his arms around her when he answered.

“It’s a mallorn tree,” he said, seeing the glimmers of gold at the corners of the newformed buds. “A mallorn,” he repeated, when it didn’t disappear. “I’d have given all the Shire to see one again this morning, and here it is.”

“A mallorn tree?” she said, with delight growing on her. “Like the trees of Lothlorien?”

“Yes,” he said, and then wondered how she knew. “Who told you about Lothlorien?”

“I heard Mr. Peregrin talking about it, and Lady Galadriel.” She flirted her eyes at him, holding his arms tight where he’d wrapped them around her. “Said she was the prettiest girl you’d ever seen.”

Sam felt his tiredness fly away, like a wind-swept cloud on a summer morning. “Well she’s beautiful, sure enough,” he teased back, as if they were both children again, tossing strawberries at each other when their bellies were full. “But not the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen.”

”So who is then?” she asked, with a giggle.

He pretended to think about it. “Well, there was the Queen, after all, and Eowyn of Rohan, and come to think of it, Mistress Peony Baggins was fine to look at – in an old ladyish sort of way, o’ course.”

”Sam!” Rosie said, and he tapped her nose.

”You mustn’t fish,” he chided her, but the words reminded him of Gollum, and his smile faltered.

Before he could fall into sorrow she turned inside the curve of his arms and hugged him, resting her head against his shoulder. “Did you really wish to see a mallorn tree again?” she asked.

”I did,” he told her, looking again at the miracle growing beside them, and daring now to reach out and feel the smooth, solid bark of it. It was real. It was real, and so was she. “That’s two of my wishes have come true today,” he said, wondering if it were possible to keep this moment forever in its sweetness.

”Two wishes?” she said, turning her face to his. “What was the other?”

”A kiss from you,” he said, and felt her hold him all the tighter.

”Wishes come in threes,” she said, her breath like a whisper of breeze on his face.

”They do,” he said, and bent his head to make the third come true.

:-)

Date: 2004-03-29 04:59 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] pippinswolf.livejournal.com
I didn't get to read the kiss version before now, but even if you had Sam twat her with the frying pan I still would have thought it was glorious.
((((RSF)))))

Re: :-)

Date: 2004-03-29 05:20 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rabidsamfan.livejournal.com
Thanks. I probably wouldn't feel so odd if so many people hadn't voted on the kiss, but as it is I have the vague feeling that I blew it writingwise, and it's probably just because I posted in the wee hours between Saturday and Sunday.

Re: :-)

Date: 2004-03-29 11:05 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] allisona.livejournal.com
Your second guess is likely closer :). As for me, between Saturday and Sunday I was at a music convention and far from my computer and LJ. Haven't anywhere near caught up with LJ yet, but I read your story this morning and I thought the kiss was lovely. I especially loved the ending where Sam learns that things come in threes and he gets his second kiss :). I think it would be nice to add a short scene with Frodo toward the end of the story, but I agree that your ending is perfect and should stand as it is.

(no subject)

Date: 2004-03-29 02:56 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] katakanadian.livejournal.com
I don't have time to finish before work but I will post a couple comments I have now. First of all, I really like this. :) You write a good Rose and I like to see interaction between her and Frodo.

I didn’t know as it would stay good past this Spring Bill lost a shoe and I had to come back after all,
I think I like the first version slightly better but either is fine.

“Just as you’d been wakened on the Stairs,” Frodo reminded him.
Since the Stairs came after Henneth Annun you shouldn't use the past perfect tense here. Simple past (passive) tense will do. i.e. “Just as you were wakened on the Stairs,” Frodo reminded him.

(no subject)

Date: 2004-03-29 03:42 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rabidsamfan.livejournal.com
Thank you -- that's just the sort of comment I was hoping for!

The first change I'll probably leave -- I kind of hoped to imply that Sam had thought about not coming back and then couldn't because the pony needed taking care of. Don't know if it works...

I have to consider the second and figure out why I wrote it that way in the first place. I usually have a reason... think think think.

(no subject)

Date: 2004-03-29 07:45 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] katakanadian.livejournal.com
Well, I'm back. It's spring break and, even tho I have no classes to teach, I have to park my ass at an official 'workplace' for 7 hours a day. I read the rest this morning and now I can post it on lunchbreak.

He never let anyone see seen him crying; not since after the battle,
I presume were undecided about how to tense this and didn't get back to fix it.


“Because he finds something which I cannot give him,” he said.

"Me?" she whispered, hoping that his dreams would guide hers.

"A child."

This bit makes it sound a little like Rose is just a convenient womb, like a child is more important than Rose herself. If you just change it to "And a child." then it sounds more balanced. Sam loves Rose but a child would make the anchor that much stronger.

I think the kisses were sweet. I'm looking forward to more of your writing.

(no subject)

Date: 2004-03-29 08:22 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rabidsamfan.livejournal.com
Definitely gotta fix see seen.

I'm grinning, though, at your second suggestion, because it means that I got it just the way I want it. I think that Sam loves Rosie, but that what he needs to be able to stay in the Shire is someone to take care of -- someone to take the place of Frodo, once Frodo leaves. (And remember, this is Frodo's perception of Sam's needs, so it can be a little ego-centric.)

It's not that Sam doesn't need Rosie, though! He needs someone to take care of him! But it's a different kind of need. I don't think Frodo's taking into account the kind of strength it shows to accept help either. But I'll chase the bunny in a different story.

Thank you again for your comments! You're wonderfully perceptive! (And you're right about the tense thing in your earlier comment. I think I had it the way it was because I'd mentioned the stairs first in this conversation.)

(no subject)

Date: 2004-03-30 04:05 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] illyria-novia.livejournal.com
Well, this is interesting, just like reading HoME. A few things though:

If you choose this to marry him you shall always have times when you feel second best, because you do not need Sam as much as Sam needs you.

I take it that the "this" before "to marry him" is something that isn't supposed to be there?

And I tend to agree with [livejournal.com profile] katakanadian. A short "A child" from Frodo in answer to Rose's question somehow doesn't flow, because it doesn't seem like the answer Rose expected. It just...well, doesn't slither smoothly, if you get my meaning, it jarred a bit.

The kissing is lovely. Dazed!Sam was lovable! But since the title is The Ringbearer and the Rose, might it not be better if there a bit of an epilogue where ...

*folds in two, as though someone has just punched her on the belly*

*sheepish, apologetic grin*

I forgot...sorry...I forgot Sam carried the Ring for a while.

Anyway...I still think a peek at Frodo at the end (maybe in an epilogue) would be nice. Perhaps when the night before Frodo's departure? So Rose can, sort of, thank him?

Thanks for sharing these drafts :) It has been a very enjoyable ride, soaking up on The Ringbearer and the Rose.

And I'm sorry I just got here to comment. Did you get my mail? :)

(no subject)

Date: 2004-03-30 04:28 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rabidsamfan.livejournal.com
Doublechecked the "cleaned up version" and I got the delete of "this" right in it, so that's okay. (whew) I had to put "strike" html commands in on my edits in order to post on lj, and I just missed that one.

I think it does need an epilogue, actually, because I do want to bring it back to Frodo to "close the circle" of the story. And I was thinking of him as Ringbearer when I made the title, so I am laughing at your insight about it possibly being Sam because it's so true!

I'm glad you liked the kiss. I just wasn't sure about it at all. I'll check my e-mail.
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