(with apologies to Judith Viorst)
I went to sleep about two a.m. and I forgot to turn on the alarm and when I woke up there was barely enough time to get dressed much less look at my flist and e-mail and then when I was in the bathroom the light burned out and I could tell it was going to be a terrible horrible no good very bad day.
I think I'll move to Australia New Zealand.
On the train ride to work the three teenagers who took up six spaces got to sit down and the unsanitary street person who was singing hymns got to sit down and the lady with the Louis Vuitton purse got to sit down even though she looked like she regretted it, and the twenty seven preschoolers got to sit down but I had to stand in the middle of the car and subway surf. "I need to sit down," I thought at them all, "I haven't had breakfast and my asthma is acting up and my knee hurts and if I don't get to sit down I'm going to burst into tears", but my psychic powers refused to kick in and no one even heard me.
When I got to work I had an e-mail from my boss's boss asking me to "volunteer" at a big charity event a week from now and I was going to say no only the people called on the phone and they were so desperate and nice that I wound up saying yes. Four people wanted help right away and I got so busy I forgot to put my cheap frozen pizza into the freezer so at lunchtime it was all crunched up and it didn't microwave very well and the cheese tasted funny. "I'm having a terrible, horrible, no good very bad day," I thought, but nobody was there to listen.
That's what it was all right, because after lunch I found out that some kids had come in and marked up the tables with gang signs and bent the frame of my new globe out of shape and left candy wrappers on the floor. And when my regulars started arriving I had to take each one of them aside and warn them that they were too noisy and rough yesterday and that I'd make the computers be "one person at a time" if they didn't shape up and they tried to shape up, but they forgot and I had to carry through with the threat.
I hope you sit on a tack, I told the ringleader. I hope that the next time you have a double cheeseburger the cheeseburger part falls out of the bun and lands in New Zealand.
I felt hot all afternoon, my monitor thingie sounded scratchy and funny when I used it, and I kept getting reference questions. The Homework assistance mentor decided she doesn't want to work on Thursdays. I forgot how to turn a graph into a formula even though it was an easy one, and I broke my favorite pen. And I told the kids not to mess with my phone, but I think one of them called New Zealand.
I told them I wasn't going to come in tomorrow so there wouldn't be any computers, but I don't think they believed me.
It was a terrible, horrible, no good very bad day.
When I got home I tried to change the lightbulb in the bathroom and the glass bulb part twisted right out of the metal screw part so I had to stand on the edge of the bathtub using metal pliers on an electrical fixture and I checked three times to make sure the switch was off and I still scared myself.
Do they have stronger lightbulbs in New Zealand?
There was braunschweiger for dinner because you have to eat it within three days and I'm tired of braunschweiger. The DVD case I brought home had the wrong DVD in it, my heater is making funny noises, and I have to finish up the two book orders that didn't get done at work before I go to bed.
I hate bringing home work.
The mouse in my kitchen got into the cupboards. I called my mom but she's not home and I had to leave a message on the machine. The doctor's appointment is first thing in the morning.
It has been a terrible, horrible, no good very bad day.
Some days are like that, even in New Zealand.
But Samfic and phone calls from friends make them better!
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