Whoa - this kind of knocked me for a loop, because I couldn't figure out where it was going at first. Now I'm all sniffly, because the bit about Snowmane's Howe always makes me cry. I think it's the moment that Theoden's death suddenly hits home, because before that everyone (including the reader) is caught up in the manic flow of the battle and there just isn't time to grieve. But I swear, that damn couplet makes me bawl every time.
Sam's actions seem just right, and flow from his character. The only suggestions I'd make are with some minor issues in the first paragraph.
On the way to the city the Rohirrim turned their horses aside. Sam, mounted on a pony he barely knew and sleepy from a long night of talking, woke from his contemplations to find himself amongst the silent, solemn riders.
Are they riding from Ithilien? I'm not sure where to really place this in the timeline. And the second line is a bit run-on.
He let himself be carried along, and if [he?]wondered why each rider paused in passing to fetch up a stone from a fallen wall, he knew this was not the time to ask.
The first few paragraphs still have a warm-up feel to them, like you really started to get into the groove around the fourth one or so. Nothing a bit of spit and polish couldn't take care of. :-)
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branchandroot
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Date: 2005-02-17 12:58 am (UTC)Sam's actions seem just right, and flow from his character. The only suggestions I'd make are with some minor issues in the first paragraph.
Are they riding from Ithilien? I'm not sure where to really place this in the timeline. And the second line is a bit run-on.
The first few paragraphs still have a warm-up feel to them, like you really started to get into the groove around the fourth one or so. Nothing a bit of spit and polish couldn't take care of. :-)