Once upon an evening dreary
While I pondered sick and weary
Sick and weary of the healthy
broth upon my dinner tray --
Wishing for a proper pudding
Or a roast beef sandwich swimming
In a lovely lake of gravy
Mashed potatoes by the score,
Suddenly there came a tapping
Of some person gently rapping
Shave and haircut came the signal
Signal on my chamber door
“Who’s that knocking?” soft I whispered,
Lest the Ranger-Healer heard me
Came the answer, “Only me,” and nothing more.
“Have you brought me apple dumplings?
Pease and lentils, eggs and bacon?
Have you brought me something tasty?
Beer and pretzels, to my door?”
Wide the chamber door it opened,
Standing there was faithful Samwise,
With his pockets bulging sidewise,
In his hands a plate of sausage,
Sausage pink and raw and horrid,
Nothing like my dreams of yore.
“I shall starve,” I groaned in sorrow,
Looking at that uncooked sausage,
Knowing that I could not eat it,
Without repercussions, repercussions by the score.
But “Hush” he said and nothing more.
To the hearth he crept so quickly
That I did not catch his meaning,
There beside the fire he brought out
Toasting forks and rolls of bread.
“Just you wait,” my Samwise said.
Soon the smells of sausage cooking
Filled my room with golden promise
Out of bed I clambered quickly
Stuffed a bolster ‘gainst the door,
Lest the scent betray our feasting
Bring some scolding, meddling wizard,
Bring some cousins wanting shares
From our small and precious store.
Propped a chair beneath the handle,
Knew we two would soon by candle-
Light be eating all our plunder,
Nice and hot, and full of grease.
Bother Rangers! Bother Wizards!
They have not a Shireling’s knowledge,
Nor a halfling’s common sense,
Forget the trays of simple fare
Broth and toast and tasteless cheese.
Full stomachs do a hobbit ease!
Just a bit of silliness I wrote for febobe
suggested revisions/improvements/additions are perfectly welcome!